A writing challenge

First, let me define a simile and a metaphor.

simile: a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid.

Example of a simile: Her eyes were like shining diamonds.

metaphor: a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.

Example of a metaphor: Her eyes were diamonds.

So, a simile compares two things using "like" or "as," while a metaphor describes one thing as being another to create a direct symbolic link.

Here’s the challenge: write the most groan-inducing simile or metaphor you can come up with.

My entry: His nose had been broken so many times that it had more twists than an Agatha Christie novel.